Under pressure

It's that time of the semester again. Assignments that needs to be done, final exam thats approaching, and the constant haunting nags of my parents, reminding me not to disappoint them.

I had a mini breakdown in school, it was really uncalled for.

Always hearing my mom say how not to miss this chance to get a degree. She made it sound like I will never be her son if I don't bring honour to the family i.e. a god damn degree.

So yea, despite of my achievements in other fields, the recognition I get, the connections I made, it's just not enough to please my parents. To them, success meant getting a degree and a good paying job.

Am I even doing the things I like? I don't want to use me not liking what I'm doing as an excuse for my failure. I will show my parents, just what I am capable of. I will show them, once this whole thing is over, I will soar high, elsewhere.

I don't want to make the same mistake again, dwelling in the fields I don't see myself in, completing it just for the sake of my family, abandoning one dream after another, knowing I can do well it them.

In the end, all that matters, is that I get a degree and make my parents proud.

"Don't disappoint us again, son." This rings so eerily in my mind, it still brings me down. That pat on the shoulder my father gave me while saying that, still haunts me.

I don't know what to feel anymore. Gonna just end this post with a photo taken right after having llao llao with Junice.

I need my happy pills.

Fun, fun Monday!

I love how spontaneous Kerry and I get when it comes to breakfast. He'll just drop a text one night before and poof we'll wake up early the next day and head over to IKEA(for example) for breakfast. Like oh my god, IKEA breakfast is like so awesome and stuff.

"like omg!"

Our morning ritual consists of us taking pictures of our breakfast.

IKEA breakfast with Kerry is always so much fun! I love their french toast! Pancakes.. not that much haha! Sunkist orange juice is a must have, followed by cut fruits and yogurt. Kerry loves his cinnamon roll because it comes with a free cup of tea/coffee. For Kerry, tuna croissant is to die for. Have I mentioned how gorgeous the cupcakes from IKEA are ? Well.. THEY ARE! God, just go get one if you haven't. The first bite may numb your jaw with a unique elderflower flavour, but the after taste leaves you wanting more! *drools*

Yesterday was different though. My usual Monday morning accounting class was cancelled, so Kerry and I went Breko @Holland Village for something different. Nonetheless, it was AWESOME! Price may be higher than average by a little, but it's still worth having once in awhile.

The usual tomato, sausage, sunny side up, toast and bacon with a Breko twist

With ample time and no urge to start with my marketing mid term studies, we went over to this party shop called "Party City" for a little fun!

                     

The Empress, Witch Bitch and Ms. Fabulous

Rest of the afternoon was spent practicing yq for at least an hour, which failed miserably because half way through I had to sleep so badly I went home just to take a nap and ended late for my 3:30pm class, which in the end ended one and a half hour early! Even bought home Starbucks for some motivation!

And there I thought I could use the remaining hours of the day to kick start my marketing midterms preparation, but judging by how I'm blogging now... MAJOR PROCRASTINATION!

It's 1:32am...Should really get back to studying now ._.

Waiting for the elevator.

So, Junice and I went to Clementi Mall to catch a late dinner after finishing our econs mid-term paper. Before that, we dropped by popular to buy some stuff, and we went over to the lift to go to the basement of Clementi mall for dinner. There were two elevator shafts.

One girl was waiting for the other lift. Soon, what seems like seconds of waiting, our lift came,  and we both stepped in, yet the other girl remained on her side, waiting for her lift to come. When our lift door closed, we started to comment how the girl was oblivious and didn't just board the lift etc. 

But still, doesn't the girl's behaviour resemble life itself? 

We usually wait for that one person in relationships, just like the girl waiting for her lift. Blinded, we do not see the other lift arrive, instead, we just waited patiently, eyes affixed. People may call us dumb for not ceasing the opportunity when it comes, some might criticise us for our lack in identifying what's wroth waiting for and what's not. Yet, we still choose to stay. 

Maybe getting onto the other lift makes her look like she's not loyal? Maybe when someone's faithful they'll wait it out no matter how long the wait, how tiring standing there will be, how hurtful it is to hear criticism? In the end, we do not know, only the girl will.

Soon after, we reached our dining destination, and the conversation we were having came to a halt.

Who are we to judge?

Panic attack much!?

It's just one of those days, where things happen one after another. Bad things. Unlucky things. What seems like a never ending domino of events.

Rushed home around 8pm to start off revision for my Thursday Econs paper and Friday accounting paper, then I realised,  MY NOTES WEREN'T IN MY BACKPACK!

Thinking I probably left it back in SP, I hopped on the next bus from home. Probably gonna be a short trip so I just brought my ezlink and phone with me. Cut the story short, when I reached my clubroom in SP, my notes weren't inside.

Panic attack much!? My accounting mid-term test is this Friday and my full stack of accounting notes went missing?? Really can't find any better timing than this. Then I remembered I slipped my notes underneath the lecture theatre table. Ran to the bus stop in SP, zoom, there goes my only bus to god damn SIM.

As if breaking 3 of my beloved yangqin sticks in a row wasn't enough.

Then came a text message, it was from a friend, Raymond. He was just reminding me of my Saturday morning gig. GOD DAMN IT!! I totally forgotten all about it! Worse, I didn't even find time to rearrange the piece that Larry and I are going to perform. Ok!! Don't panic, let's just text Larry and sort out a time to go through the pieces together, since I'm only available Friday night because of my god damn mid terms. Let's see, let's see.. ah! Larry replied!

"Wah now only tell me? I'm only free on weekends because I started working again!"

GREAT! JUST PERFECT! Our performance is Saturday morning and we don't even have time to go through the pieces together! Then my scumbag of a brain decided to remind me yet another errand I have to take care of. Both Thursday and Friday morning I have to head down to National JC to play yangqin accompaniment for 2 Hwa Chong students for their A level music prelim examination, and Thursday night happened to be my Macroeconomics mid term test followed by my accounting mid term test the next evening.

Saturday night, another gig in Gardens by the Bay after the morning gig with Larry. Then, not long ago, Mr Neo, conductor for Cheng San Chinese Orchestra, texted, saying he needs a video of me hosting a show because the people from Esplanade needs to take a look. Where the hell am I going to find it?! Next Thursday, marketing mid term test, and I haven't even started a single shit.

I swear, at that point, I broke into a cold sweat fest. One thing came right after another. As if the bus wasn't crowded enough, as if the girl who was holding her god damn big ass Samsung phone and kept poking me at the back wasn't ANNOYING enough, I have to deal with the crap coming from everywhere. EVERYWHERE!

Alas, after what seems like forever, I reached SIM. The security guard couldn't have been nicer. I was given permission to access the lecture theatre and there it was! My god damn notes!

*confettis*

And there goes an hour of my revision time. Fuck. But on the bright side, at least I got to use the one hour to think things through and sort out my schedule. OK BACK TO STUDYING!

Quit?

So I was up near midnight, trying to munch through as much of my notes before I subconsciously end up in bed falling asleep again. I was on a playlist on youtube, you know, how we  sometimes keep the tv on when no ones at home sort of thing? So naturally I didn't really pay attention to the contents of the youtube videos, mostly because I've watched those videos countless times.

You know how before youtube videos start, there are usually advertisement ranging from the catchy, un-skippable and all so annoying Coca-Cola ad. *no matter what ever, it all taste so much better, just open coca-cola~* to some ad on how to improve your business where you eagerly wait for the 5 seconds count down to click on the holy grail button of youtube advertisement button - "SKIP AD" .

*hallelujah~*

Well this was like any other advertisement, but it started with this sentence

"Have you ever wanted to quit....?"

It caught my attention, and for the next 13minutes 43 seconds I just sat affix, listening to what the video has to offer. This has been to first time ever, that I actually sat through a youtube ad that's longer than 10mins.  It sort of brought me to tears, just a little bit, not because what he said was touching, but what he said was true in some ways. There are things I want to quit, my studies that I dread, the upcoming exams, heck, as much as I hate to admit it, there are some relationships in my life right now that are actually quite toxic sometimes.

Do I have a choice though? Not really, not at this age, not at this time where my financial support solely comes from my father. It sucks. How I envy my friends who are able to pursue their dreams, their passion. How I envy those who are able to make a living from what they love to do. How I envy.

What about those relationships that I find toxic at times? At least those are within my capability to control. Brendon Burchard said if we don't quit something, we're not going to open up to new things in our life. He made a quote by Arianna Huffington of the Huffington post.

"Sometimes, the best way to finish a project, is to quit"

- Arianna Huffington

Brendon Burchard's motivational video on "Why and how to quit"

Was this motivational video meant for people doing business? Was this motivational video meant for people who are considering to make a big change in their life? But back to toxic relationships. I was once told by a close friend of mine,

"If you're always upset with this friend of yours, why do you continued to bother being friends with this person?"

Naturally, I conveyed this message to this person, who's also really close to me. This person agreed, and asked why I would want to stay if the friendship is hurting me so much. But then, my friend continued, which casts all my troubles away.

"But if I were you, I wouldn't abandon this friendship. I mean, it's always comfortable to be around you. There's lot of fun moments with you"

So back to the video. As much as quitting sounds like a probable option for most things that's killing us inside, I have to disagree on that note. We cannot simply just call it quits just because things doesn't go our way. Sure it's easy to quit a job, quit a school, start a new life, but relationships? I don't think so. In this era where our life is infused with technology, shouldn't human interaction be even more valuable than ever? 

Sure, we're generation Y, we are the generation that doesn't stick to a job. Unlike the baby boomers and generation X, we don't see "loyalty" as an important aspect with it comes to career. Instead, we look at career prospects. Jumping from one company to another.  Why our parents are still able to stay wedded for so long despite the setbacks, the arguments and the differences and not go get a divorce after 72 days of marriage . Yes honey, I'm looking at you.

"Yea that's right."

So, at the end of the day, other than the pile of notes that I have to go through, I'll have to stand up and say, "NO!" I will not simply quit on something like that even it if kills me inside sometimes. I will lift my head up and accomplish what I have set out to do. Will there be regrets? At some point, yes, but there's always a silver lining, there's always a bright side. If I were to not enrol into my current Uni, will I be able to meet Junice and of course made new friends? There are bound to be arguments here and there, that's why we're called closed/best friends. 

They don't call me diva for nothing, you know.

Stressed

Stressful. One word to describe how life has been these past weeks.

Stress from upcoming exams. Macroecons. EWWW. Accounting. Ugh kill me. Marketing? It's just mid-term sister chill with the tested chapters!

*whitney disapproves of upcoming midterms*

Still, while I should be mugging and drowning myself with stacks of notes, I'm feeling lethargic as hell and decided to start blogging again. OH HOW PRODUCTIVE I AM. 

I should really get back to studying. Heck, I skipped class for more free time! I better use this time wisely. Even given up on yangqin practice for the time being.

Speaking of yangqin practice. I broke my god damn yang qin sticks! Not one stick, not 2 sticks, but 2 PAIRS of sticks! Like how is that possible! I used it for more than a year and you break now when I hardly can find time to sit down and practice? 

I can't even bear to look at my own doing

Even went over to my yangqin laoshi's house to see if she still have extra sticks for sell but yea, just my luck, she's OUT OF STICKS. Pun ;)

On the bright side, the all so beautiful Yayi, aka, champion of NAC 2012 yangqin open category, is in Beijing for a few days, hopefully she'll be able to help me out on this on. I can't live without my 许学东 sticks :(

AH heck! Should really be back to studying, till next time!