Under pressure

It's that time of the semester again. Assignments that needs to be done, final exam thats approaching, and the constant haunting nags of my parents, reminding me not to disappoint them.

I had a mini breakdown in school, it was really uncalled for.

Always hearing my mom say how not to miss this chance to get a degree. She made it sound like I will never be her son if I don't bring honour to the family i.e. a god damn degree.

So yea, despite of my achievements in other fields, the recognition I get, the connections I made, it's just not enough to please my parents. To them, success meant getting a degree and a good paying job.

Am I even doing the things I like? I don't want to use me not liking what I'm doing as an excuse for my failure. I will show my parents, just what I am capable of. I will show them, once this whole thing is over, I will soar high, elsewhere.

I don't want to make the same mistake again, dwelling in the fields I don't see myself in, completing it just for the sake of my family, abandoning one dream after another, knowing I can do well it them.

In the end, all that matters, is that I get a degree and make my parents proud.

"Don't disappoint us again, son." This rings so eerily in my mind, it still brings me down. That pat on the shoulder my father gave me while saying that, still haunts me.

I don't know what to feel anymore. Gonna just end this post with a photo taken right after having llao llao with Junice.

I need my happy pills.