Goodbyes~

Well, it was the 2nd day of mid-term exams, and I gotta say, i wished it was the last day of mid term, cause today was too relaxed, next week will be bad....physics...chemistry.... Add maths... gah..

Hey, today's 29th of Febuary, four years once! This is nice...=D

Had lunch with my mom at Thsung Ngen, and we talked alot, about the elections, about politics and even my mom's childhood. I love listening to my mom's childhood and my mom talking about my childhood. Speaking, came across a song from my childhood last night, it's by The New Seekers- i'd like to teach the world to sing. but i uploaded a more pop version by Berget Lewis, cause the new seekers are from the 70's. Check out the video, it's quite nice. Both new and old.

Okay! Back to the story, so my mom said when I little I'm cute, loves to sing and dance ----->lol<----- ?
(Picture provided by Howard...thank you!)

Yea, my mom said I'm cute back then, but now i don't know...=__=

"My sister and I have my mother's eye...sigh..." quote Anson. xD

And...I gotta say... GOODBYE AGAIN PESSIMISTIC ME AND WELCOME BACK OPTIMISTIC ME! This few weeks I was quite down, but I have friends to guide me and heck, I feel much better, plus i found a childhood song of mine, and i feel something is going to get better, I'll just wait and see... =D

I'm just random...

You know what? I've been doing some thinking and I really got to change the way I think or certain things.

I'm blessed with eyes, to see the beautiful creation of this world, to see what's going on around me, to see people come and go, to see how wonderful my friends are; I'm blessed with ears, to receive the knowledge that I hear, to listen to the beautiful melodies of life, to listen what people has to say about certain things, to listen to notes of people nagging about me; I'm blessed with a mouth, to say out my deepest sorrows, to speak out how I feel about somethings. I'm blessed with hands, to give support to the world and play music with both of my hands. I'm blessed with a heart, to feel what's it's like to be human, to feel happiness, rejoice, sorrow, pain, agony. i"m blessed with a brain, to think logically, to think before i act, to think what's right and what's wrong.

Yet... am i using them properly? I'm using my ears, listening to unwanted things that affects me, i'm using my mouth, speaking rubbish all the time and not making any sense, I'm misusing my heart, to feel sad all the time and jealous most of the time. I'm using my brain the wrong way, thiking how negative I am, thinking that I shouldnt be in this world....

I'd like the world to know, how wrong it is to feel what I feel. I'll tried to be better, but am I progressing? I need guidance....

I suck!

Huuray! i suck! Well im not being pessimistic just, not so many good things about me, why not think about the bad things about me? Come one dont be shy! TELL ME!

I really want to thank Cathz for telling me that my skin tone is not suitable for me, noone told me that. People just said im dark but didnt mention about that. So...THANK YOU!

I am a born loser, never had anything that I'm good at, better not live anyways...=D Plus, so many people out there being better than me by 101% so why bother...?

Tell me! I want to know, how sucky I am, how I bad I am being a human!JUST TELL ME! =D

Mid term

Well, is that time once again, mid-term exams are approaching fast! Looks like I'm not gonna be online for awhile, so take care. Cant wait for mid-term to end ASAP!! Cause after mid term will be MARCHING PRACTICE!! First day's bio, I don't know whether i can survive it...we'll see...we'll see...

Him...

There are so many things that I want to tell him. Things that I've been holding back since the first day he starts avoiding me. Call me dumb, but for so long I've never had the guts to talk to him ever again. Avoiding me has been a sight that I've been seeing for the past two years.

I remembered once that i sat on his chair, he seemed quite disturbed, when I left, he took a cleaning agent and wiped his chair clean. That I really wished I've never seen. And another time, when it was English lesson and we got arranged in the same group along with four other persons. That was the time we finally said somethings, though i felt unpleasant, cause, when I found out we're in the same group, I'm afraid I'm afraid that I'm gonna be avoided/ignored. Even now inc lass, there's no way he'll talk to someone who he has been avoiding for sometimes. Yes, we do talk sometimes, but only short sentences...

Since the day he started avoiding me, I've never seen him in my MSN contacts again. At first I thought he just offline, but something tells me that he deleted me in his contact. last year i added him back cause we have to discuss about the project.

HE REALLY IS AN AMAZING PERSON. He's good in speaking, he's good in writing, he's good studying, he's good in sports, he's good in being a friend. Everyone just loves him, everyone wants to be his friend, everyone wants to know him! xD

Sometimes, I wished that i wasn't in places where he is. I', afraid that my presence will spoil his fun. But, am I thinking too much? What if he doesn't hate me anymore? What if, instead I'm the one avoiding him? What if he's cleaning his chair cause it's dirty?

I treasure him as a friend, and feel hurt for losing him as a friend. I really hoped that, we will be like old times, where we had our laughs together, played together, and had fun together, as friends. But will it happen again?

I owe...

I owe MK and apology....

It's just that, for someone who seldoms got scolded/caught by the teacher for not being attentive, I really lost my mood, and MK, who was sitting beside me, asked whether I'm okay but i didn't bother him...and i gotta say, he...erm...kinda 'laughed' at me for being so narrow-minded about being caught by the teacher and stuff... Well, I'm just not as perfect as Mk, he's carefree, I'm not. He doesn't feel a thing when he's caught not being attentive, well me? I really mind being caught by the teacher... I will blame myself for letting my mind wander off or couldnt resist the urge to chat with somebody... Still, after school I kinda notice Mk talking about this "issue" and I really owe him an apology...

I appreciate Mk as a friend, we spent good times together, I dont know does he feel the same cause he has SO MANY friends to consider, everyone just loves him...The lovely times in camp...MK is the one smiling...

Happy times in Ms Kwan's house bbq with S2a classmates...xD Poor MK got blocked by retarding Robin... xD

I dont want to be like that....

I'm jealous.... because there are so many things that i'm not good at, I'm not good at speaking like Jordan and MK, not good at memorizing stuffs like MK, not good looking like most of the friends i know and some other stuff. Yea i admit i get jealous, dunno why, must be the 'kia-shu' nature of me? But i hate being jealous, i just wished I'm more open minded about things...

A friend told me, that people can be good at stuffs and bad at stuffs, it's just see what the things are.... well I'll try my best to be more open-minded ok?

Future tenses...

I'm starting to get worried about my future...maybe it's because my dad and I finally had 'the talk' and since then I keep worrying about my future.. Until now I still cant decide whether to stay for UEC or quickly go to 'A' level... So worried that I've been in the downcast for quite awhile.. I've I leave now, I won't waste a year studying for UEC cause the course that I'm interested in does not require UEC, but I do leave, there's one thing that i couldn't let go... ORCHESTRA... I couldn't bare to see our little percussionist on thier own yet, there's so many things they haven't learnt yet... and the oldest amongst them are only JUNIOR 2 this year! And Ho Phui Phui mentioned about conducting work and if I leave after this year we have to find a new conductor and train him/her fast!

Sometimes, I just wish time would go slower and let me think clearly, and not to mention prepare SPM... Jonathan was always right... It's not too late to act now...

Even my horoscope(capricorn) for today...20th of Febuary... said that I've have to put some effort consider about my future and not about who will i have fun with today or anyday... weird huh?

I know!

What do you want from me? I know I'm already Form 5, I know SPM will be waiting at the end of the year! I know I always sit in front of the computer but I'm not even playing games! Stop saying that I on the computer just to play games! And I know I seldom run on the treadmill, you don't always have to nag OK? I KNOW YOU DARE TO CONFISCATE MY COMPUTER AND DUMP THEM OR WHATEVER YOU'RE GONNA DO TO THEM WHEN YOU REALLY LOSE YOUR TEMPER!

SO? Like hello I'm already 17 I know what I'm doing so could you stop nagging and just let me do my business?

DAMN!

Im retarded...

You know what? I've just realize something, I am dumb for being heart broken over somethings that's none of my business... What made me think of this way? It's the result of talking, talking and more talking with the ones I trusted and they gave me advice...

Conclusion, I'm dumb for being heart broken...that's all...

I felt..

I once felt happy...

I once felt sad...

I once felt dissapointed...

I once felt embarassed...

I ALWAYS felt annoyed...but what the heck..it's life....

But now...i felt heart broken... never...in my entire life I never felt like this, but now, i felt heart borken, not just any normal heart broken, this heart broken really is something to do with my blog title...LOVE...

True, im not a successor in love, who would want someone like me? Plus im not someone like Gary, he's a love god, and who would forget Robert? And Simon, and Cathz, and Bernice, and Daniel, Eugene and Peggy? It's just, I'm not cut out for love, I fell for person's who's already taken, and as times pass more and more of my friend get involved in love, and right now, someone felt a certain chemistry with someone, I'm just, really heartbroken. Not that I'm jealous, it's just.......................UGH! I don't know how to explain it..........................

Heartbroken? Who would not fell it? I wanna cry in the dark where none can listen to me, I wanna weep when noone's looking, I wanna let a single drop of tear drop and evaporate into the air that im breathing, cause I really am heartborken...

What a day...

"Class....why is it like this?" Few silent moments later........ "You know I really dislike asking you guys questions, and right now i really want to slap someone in the face!"


That really got everyone's attention, making the classroom even more pin drop silence, the atmosphere is getting pretty tensed, and Mr A was staring at his students. The weather outside was wet, cold air blew through the gaps of the door, making the classroom colder, and he continued, "'B'(false name used..again....) Are you already very great in this subject? Don't show me those attitude!" He continued with his lesson...


Then... he asked a question again, I got nervous, i quickly scanned the paper afraid that he might ask me questions, and that's when it happened..


"Anson Lim, what are you doing there?" I stared at the teacher, holding myself back from answering him. He continued, "You are also one of those who seldom pays attention when I'm speaking in class, it has been one year since last year, you can get high marks in my subject is it? Don't blame me when you didnt get good results." I got pawned...


It's just 'B' and I were scolded, some other classmates of us also got killed, but B and I were the more serious ones.... Well eventually I told some of my friends, some believed what i was doing some did not, t's just, i really wished that Mr A will know what i was doing back then. True I sometimes doesn't pay attention to him cause I could be tired at times , but i can give a 100% that when i concentrate i really concentrate till i write every points the teacher says.. =(

My horoscope says...

'It's a good time to write down your feelings or experiences in some way -- in a letter to a friend, a blog entry or even a love note. Your creative energy is prefect for communicating clearly.'

That's what my horoscope said today...weird enough, since the year of the mouse started, i keep getting stuffs like this if not it will be like my love line is good tis year bla bla bla... Well, i really hoped that it's true...=D What? Can't a single guy dream? XD

My creative energy? HA! that's hilarious... especially the love note part, no lovers for me to give notes to, oh well, gonna blog instead...=D

My feelings?? Hmm...No idea what to write, it's just that it's finally Chinese new year, which means holidays...yay...lion dances...yay..fireworks..more yay...ANGPOW!!! YAY!!!!!! First day of CNy met Robert, Sheldon and JordaN...apparently Sheldon likes calling my nickname...good for you ***lord...Missed out the chance to go to Alex's house cause went to Heye's house instead...=D

Oh yea, the first day of CNY...man i'm gonna remember that day...i made lots of confession to a particular friend of mine, spilt bunch of stuffs..even the L word confession...well i didnt expect anything so that's fine, on the last msg we had, my friend type..

"Are you sleepy or something?"

"No...why? You sleepy?"

"No not at all..."

"..." just as i was going to click send.. I FEEL ASLEEP!!!! BOo...

I dont feel like myself lately... I couldnt BE myself when I'm with my family, in school, oh yea that's the true me...CRAZY! Always loved hanging around with friends, eventhough MK likes poking and it's reeeeeeeaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyy annoying, but hey, I enjoy every second i have in school, wether im having my menstrual or not..XD

Speaking of menstrual...it has been a hot topic within my group of friends...isn't that right MK?

"I love her, but I couldn't....oh well..."

Keep liking someone who's already taken...why me??!

Missed the days Cheung Heye sat between MK and I, enjoy looking at them quarrel all the time...man they're hilarious.... now she moved to somewhere near Howard..her LOVAR! Joking!!

SO anyways... I admire bunch of people...take 'A'(still not gonna use real name darlings) for example, he's good in making friends, good in hitting on girls( i think), GOOD LOOKING!
And dont forget Anita, she's great in many ways...i'll leave these for you guys to find out, all i can say is, she's not the one i have a crush on...XD

BERNICE!!!!! Why does zachary keep wanting your phone number but i still dont give him? LOL!

Mk...you should really stop poking me and start paying attention to what the teacher says...especially BIO, whether you want it or not....

THIS! Ladies and gentlemen, has been a very EMO entry so far...continue when i get the chance again.... LOVE all of you, except a bunch of certain someones.... you know.... XD

Happy chinese new year!

Late greetings from me, Gong Xi Fa Cai!!

ps: No special effects though...XD