Frustration

Frustrations come and go. Patience might be limited depending on different individual. Emotions are not a thing to be messed around with. Trust and faith are just the few fragile ornaments in life.

When you're in a state of being total self conceit, you'll think that everything you decide is right, you won't really think deeply of the consequences it brings, don't you? Well here's what I want to say to you, please snap out of it and look at the big picture.

ps: The 'you' is for everybody who's like that. Not a particular target. =)

Phew! What an emotional and tiring day! I have to force myself to be fierce today, and for the rest of the year, I think I have to show some 'face', the ugly one. The orchestra needs discipline, and someone have to be the meanie, no more Mr-nice-Anson. If I can't teach them the nice and meek way, then I'm sorry I just have to do it the hard and tough way.

Walking below the hot sun, I thought to myself, life is always full of decisions, which then unlocks the door of mysteries. It's always painstaking when you have to make some decisions that will alter the fate of either myself, somebody else or even the fate of the orchestra, for example.

Being leader ain't easy, being the head isn't fun. And I'm all so prepared to be nagged, chided, scolded, because I know, that's my duty, to serve the orchestra. I know, I may not be the best president the orchestra had, but I am keen on learning how to be one, I am patient, despite the silly and happy-go-lucky face of mine.

My attitude, my thinking, my gesture might differ from other previous presidents. But hear this, I won't let my private life interfere with the orchestra. What if everyone around me is telling me to not be so serious on the orchestra and concentrate on my studies instead? I will still work dutifully for my people, I will try my best to work as diligent as I could and buck up in my studies, I will build a barrier to ward away unwanted distraction and petty prejudices.

Being the leader sometimes sucks, not only you can't take part in every fun activity happening, it's quite taboo to ever show a tired face or even a tiny speck of weakness. Well, at least for me, I won't ever show how tired I am to the members of the orchestra, only the close ones will understand me.

But one thing that I haven't let go... Is the one thing that I've been missing for the past whole month.. It's unorthodox, it's some how creepy, but I've lived through it for quite awhile, and slowly, adapting myself to the status quo.

I apologize deeply to my friends around me for letting this great emotional flush of mine affect the way I treat you guys. It's a really vulnerable state which I am easily hurt, not to mention easily getting mood swings, it's a really unstable stage.

Bottom line, I really hope people nowadays will act rationally and not being so selfish, not to mention childish. And, I want everyone to know, that I will do anything I can in my power, to make my life a better place to live.

Salutations.