Still sad.

Have you ever had a friend, that you consider very close? So close, that others think we're in a love relationship?

Have you ever had a friend, that's so close, you would miss them ever so greatly even if it's just a few days of not contacting each other?

Have you ever had a close friend, that knows what will you react to every single thing? Knows your attribute, your weaknesses, things that cheer you up, things that turn you on..? What turns you off?

Have you ever had a friend, that will hurt you the moment you know their not gonna talk to you for a long.. long time?

Have you ever had a close friend, that influences you in so much way that you would not ever thought of?

Have you had a close friend, that makes you wanna say 'Fuck you' right in their face just because they were being selfish and left you behind? But still feeling sorry for saying that.

I have one.

But I was dumb enough not to spend time with them wisely, still, "" shall be my close friend until
my give out my last breathe..

Well... back to homework I suppose..

ps: the post on 12nd of April was FINALLY updated.

Disappointment

Hello I'm in school blogging~ xD

Anyway speaking of school,I'm actually quite broken seeing every teacher giving me an eye of disappointment, as they return me my test papers.

In their eyes, they scream out that I seriously have to buck up.

And so, I wrote these in my book...

"Anson, you have to move on. Let this be a lesson to you, how bad it is to feel depressed and let your homework suffer. Now you've done it, all your grades, even English, dropped to the pt bottom. Is this what you want? Flunking your UEC? Buck up! =( "

The total sadness.... Of not able to please people who had hopes in you...

S2A2008

S2A2008

How much fun was it when Aveline was always there with me. She's always there for me, but not any more, as she, like everybody else, left to pursue their dreams.

There was a craze in facebook, where a group of friends started to tag each other in pictures and comment them. In their comment, flow a great scent of missing each other. I too, joined in this fiesta, and during this process, I got caught in it too, leaving my own scent, as I was reminded was much I miss my 2008 classmates.

Time has gone by, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I see how much it's affecting my emotions now, as I hold my tears back viewing the pictures of us from last year. Thinking of the moments we spent, was so much wonderous than I thought it will be.

It was well spent, yes it was.

To Aveline, you are a sister to me, you knew a lot of me, and I mean it, a lot!

To Jordan, you have showed me the path to 'proper' living, thank you.

To Kai, you changed a little, but deep down inside you will still be my bumbling Kai.

To Sheldon, you are still my 'master', feel free to abuse me (DONT GET THE WRONG IDEA xD)

To Phui, if you weren't in chinese orchestra, we wouldn't have gotten this far.. thank you

To Heye, Miss Tigress, when shall you get married? lol

To Robin, we may have our differences, but I still miss you ever so much.

To Alex, I'm never tired of calling you Datuk! xD

To Melanie and Fei Ching, you two have become inseperable, or so I have heard, glad to hear you guys are still doing well.

To the rest, I miss you guys, and to be honest, we may not spend so much time together, but, even there were, they are all memorable ones, good or bad.

Good luck in your studies!

Eyesore

Ooooo I'm an eyesore? Even if you deny it, I feel that things have been going on like this. I'm an eyesore in everything. Bahahaha!

You fake bastards! =D

Milk and cokies anyone?

Lol randomness =P

Anyway, I've been getting lots of comment about how much darker I've got. Well thank you people for noticing. And the common question would be, 'Why are you so dark hah?'

With a smile on my face, I'll say ' Marching in school.'

Some give that 'ugh' look, like 'What's so fun in marching? o.O' God makes me wanna.... ****~ =D

But seriously, is it really that dark to you? D=

ps: There'll be an update in a post for yesterday, it's not ready yet, so... I'll be random for now

Later!

I think I am ready.

I think I'm ready.. to let go of the accursed past. In this short span of 48days, I've been keeping myself to such an extreme that not many things cheer me up, they make me laugh, but not entirely cheerful.

But still, I do sit down quietly and think.

The power of forgive and forget. I admit I was hurt, but seldom have I thought to forget why I'm so desperately torn. All that's in my mind was how battered I am. I seek pleasure through different sources, but yet I remained unchanged. I have friends surrounding me, who sought to share and cheer me up, though I remained petty and silent.

It was a lethal addiction that I find what happiness meant to me. But now, I have to let it go, wrap it up, put it aside and forget about it. And maybe, in the near future, as it calls out for me, I shall return with open arms.

I have sinned. I need my own forgiveness as I had given it to him. I'm finally learning to lift my head up, and walk away. None shall be blamed for my mislead life but me. It was still remarkable even though it had scarred a portion of me. Let it be a painful yet memorable lesson for me.

And for everyone else, please forgive, and forget...

Disappointment

Disappointed

That's how I feel right now... Thinking... Why does it always happen on me...

I'm relatively patient right?

Why do I suddenly feel, tired of waiting...

It has been weeks...

I still cant let you go...

The question is..

Do I still deserve you... Have you even been knowing how I've been?

Drifted.

That's what it is.

I am desperate...

I want you and I need you..

But somehow, you're just being..

Selfish.

Misunderstood, misused, misguided, unappreciated..

That's what I am.

Does that mean I have to walk away from you?

No.

Thank you... For the joyful memory you had given me..

I don't blame you for making me this way..

It was me myself...

Happy Birthday Lisha!

Have you ever notice that small little link that goes by the name 'CMTY-LISHA' ?

Well that link is not as small as you think it is... because she just turned 15 as you are reading this post right this instead!

*throws confetti*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISHA SIS!

It was a great pleasure knowing you as my maple sis ^^ And know, you're not just a cyber sis, I consider you as a great friend to talk and share with.

May your wishes come true =)

ps: My msn suddenly gay-ed.

Thank You Jordan

Thank you Jordan, for the kind words. It was cheering me up, it was motivating me, I was making me snap out of the dazed condition I was in, it was... The thing that I really needed most.

I just never thought, that there'll be someone who would say such things for me, the things of what I really wanted to hear most. To know that I'm not alone, to know that there's still people who really understands how I felt deep down inside.

I was at the verge of breaking down recently. At school, people may see me as a funny, happy-go-lucky, cheerful guy, but at home, not even my mother had seen such sorrows portrayed on her son's delicate face. The frown on his face, tells a story that could be written into a book. The minutes he spent waiting... and waiting... and waiting...

He does tries his best to control that down sliding emotion of his, and he did managed to control his anger too. He just had to, sometimes, show his rage in front of disrespectful and disobeying people just to show them who's boss.

He let his grades slip because of this unorthodox waiting and staying in the past. He was given a lecture from not only his parents, but also his form teacher and school teachers.

Jordan, I thank you personally, in front of all my readers, for telling me to not cry over spilt milk and look for a better future, it's a long road ahead, I shouldn't be giving up on life, at least, not now.

I shall, leave a part of me right here, to remember the things people had done for me, good or bad, joy or sorrow. And the other half, walking into the unknown, mysterious future.

The past is the past, I just didn't imagine keeping myself waiting for so long and neglecting other things in life. But hear this, I never find it time wasting and regretting.

As for the future? I shall, treat it cautiously, and spend it with the one creation that I could seek support, care and mutual understanding - friends.

ps: I miss you guys. Jordan, Aveline, Kai, Phui and so much more... One day I'll join you guys!

So have I cheered up? Time will tell... somehow...