Chinese Orchestra

With a wave of the conductor stick, the whole orchestra moves the way the conductor moves.

They move to the way he moves, willingly, or unwillingly?

It's been half a year since I am on this pose. Apparently, I am going to graduate soon. And the orchestra shall be passed down to the next president.

But there's one question circulating me lately. What have I done for my orchestra?

I guess none. I felt so ashamed of it. I shouldn't have gotten onto this pose. I have so many things in mind, to improve the orchestra. But yea, sometimes it just couldn't be done.

They say a good leader is someone who uses their underlings well. It's true, but sometimes, there are things that I should go solo. I know, people are going to criticize on my actions, but, consider my age, I am very clear of what I am doing.

Please, don't judge a person by his expression on his face. Everyone has their own unique expression according to what is on their mind. So please don't make irrelevant assumptions, eh? I know, sometimes you guys say things that might seem piercing me, and my expression would somehow show dislike, but sorry to disappoint you, it's not. In fact, that's my listening look. And if you felt a great sense of dislike, it's upon myself. For making decision that gets criticized.

Please don't try reading my mind, you'll end up being in vain.

I know what's good for my orchestra, if I'm voted as one, I will do my best. I'm a perfectionist, so frustration plays along. You want me to cope with everyone? I do, in a way that people misunderstands. I don't feel under appreciated. It's just a sad case seeing people digging their own grave and let themselves perish.

I'm pretty sure, not many likes me in orchestra, well well, I'm so sorry, I can't please everyone.

Please, don't say that I'm spoiled. It may look like I have a perfect life at home, it's not! In fact, whose family is? One thing is for sure, I'm not a spoiled brat like some in school.

I may be not as good as the other club presidents like Simon, Connie, Tzy Tyng, San Teck, Yu Ze and Jie How. I may not be as creative as any of them. I may not be as skillful as any of them. Nor I'm as a good leader as they are.

I am trying my best.

When you have to cope with dropping grades, I have no choice. What can a perfectionist do.