Facebook status compilation - Discouraged in Life

28th of Sept, 2010.

"Soon, I'll be forgotten, thanks for being such nice friends to me. Alas, the emoness took over me, and I am being engulfed in darkness. There shall I be forgotten, may it be so."

"We all laughed together, seen each other cry, had fun together, and went through crazy times together, alas, I feel that it can't be avoided, the tendency of being left behind, for I am not worthy of being anybody's friend. Here, I give everyone my salutations, I lost in life."

"It seems that everyone is going through some up and downs of their own. Some lost their relatives, some had relatives hospitalized, some had arguments with friends, some had arguments with family. Some had heart breaks, some had heart aches. Some are having difficulties in a relationship, some are just going crazy every night thinking what a failure they are themselves. I, am a few of them. I shall never be accepted."

"the worse thing is, i've gone through it a lot, and still, i have never had a brighter day... even if i had a wonderful day, with lots of laughter and sharing with friends, but deep down, when night comes, i can't stop struggling with my inner sadness."

"i have to wait.. and do nothing but wait.. i tried my best to make things better for me, but alas, all ends in vain. I still prioritize others benefit even more."

I am still, in search of my inner peace. I used to have it, when I had my heart fall for someone. But yet, I never had a brighter day till now, I never had inner peace. My heart, starts to wilt. I feel, so discouraged in life.

What's gonna be next?

Let's clarify

I'm being hated and disliked, because of the things I do out of protection for a close friend.

I'm being looked down, being scorned, because of the way I tackle things.

I was being gossiped, for being 'different'.

But still, the people who gossiped, the people who dislikes, the people who scorns, the people gossiped, don't really cause a big concern for me. Why? They are just, immature.

I am protecting my close friend, whom was hurt for so long, and I am pretty sure I am not the only one who does it, everyone who cares about him does, you blastanted skank! I stood at your point of view, and they are just IRRELEVANT. I am doing justice, for both sides. Calling me busybody? How immature of you all. Given the same situation to you, you would probably do the same thing I did.

I can't bear to see people, especially my close friends getting hurt, especially when they shouldn't be together to start. Don't say a word, it's pointless, everyone agrees. Plus, you can't get everyone to like you, that's impossible. So, let's not argue anymore, I think I'm matured enough to draw the line. So I hope everyone does the same. Please, reflect upon yourselves. :)

Back to Sandakan! AGAIN!

I was back in Sandakan, hometown, for the last 3 weeks. how was it?

EPIC AWESOMENESS!

But still, I don't know why the hell I answer "tiring" whenever people ask me "Hey, how was your holidays?"

Was it because the awesomeness was so epic it's tiring? One thing is for sure, I didn't go clubbing! WTF!!! (hadn't club since went to Singapore for studies) Guess I'm not really into clubbing anymore :(

So how was Sandakan this time? Well, since that 'somebody' was out of the way. I really got the chance to spend time with friends. Namely, Jie Nam, Ly Heng, Gordon, Tj, Janelle, my senior 2 and 3 classmates, it was so awesome.

Of course, there were the usual yum cha outings, but this time, they were all so different. It's like, they are more fulfulling! I dunno, maybe because, I'm not being hurt by someone... or something, it's complicated!

Me feeding Jie Nam -.-

Me feeding Ly Heng -.-

Jamie came to visit Sandakan! I became her personal driver. yum yum! :D

Sepilok~ :D

The love for horses :)

In Secret Recipe! :D

Went to Leo Installation with my buddies Gordon and Tj and the lovely, Janelle :P

Janelle and... ahem~ xP

Mdm Chong and I~ (best pic of the night I think)

Janelle, Mdm Chong and an uncle o.o

Herlyne and Me! She's so gorgeous in baby pink dress :P

One of the most good looking guy (Tj) and me! :D

Lady in pure white, Joanne!

2 hot dudes! Tj and Gordon!

Hot dude and cute chick! :D

Tj and me~

Lovely Jia Ying and Me :)

Even get to witness the birth of 24 Drums thingie (节令鼓).

Even got to watch Yu Yuan Night!! The most awaited event of the school year!!

Sorry just uplaoded this.. lazy!! There are more in my facebook profile :D

Christina Aguilera 'Burlesque' Trailer

Oh my god! It's finally out! The trailer to the first movie for Christina Aguilera 'Burlesque'

It's time for a change

It took me days to realize I was falling for you, and it took me months to let the feel deepens.

It took me weeks to let me realize that you weren't falling for me, and it took me seconds to totally let go with tears shed.

Yes, I lost the fight, and I'm finally talking about it. Just as I thought there was magic between us, you chose lust when you deceived me, and it truly is a tragic. We both lost it all, the love has gone.

I felt our world had been infected, the moment you treated me differently, you started neglecting me. We found our lives been changed, you lost me.
Letting you go, was easier than I thought it would be. Maybe it's because, I have good companions like Jade, Jamie Gan, Aaron Song. Crazy people to play with like Ryan Nathan Lee and Jin Yu. I channelled all my anger, all my sorrow into spending time with people that I have right now, in Singapore.

There's nothing I can do to prevent this from happening so soon, I had tried my best, but still you avoided me from letting me enter your world. I don't blame you for that.
Here, I wish you joy and happiness, with the person you chose to be with. I'll be fine here, because I learnt how to be stronger than ever.

Sure, there were times when I still shed tears looking at the pictures we took together, all the SMSes we sent, or even recalling the crazy moments we had together. But not anymore, I may still be fighting to forget, but still, thank you for the good memories.
From day 1, when I found out I had fallen for you, I knew it was a gamble, and I was willing to be a risk taker, the pretender. And, from day 1, I realize that things weren't working out as I thought it would be, I already started letting go, that's why, I wasn't as hurt as before.

The previous falls that I had, thought me to be stronger, to be better, to be wiser, and I managed to pull through this time. Typing this post, means that I am ready to carry on.

But still, ready doesn't mean willing is it?

I do believe, we are still friends? Or you chose to shun me from your world ever again. What ever the outcome maybe, I'm sure, that time will slowly sort things out between us.

For now, it's time for a change.

Dyeing my hair, signifies the will to let go of the dark past I been in. I hope there will be more change to come, as I slowly stand up from the pain I still suffered from.

Thank you my friends, for always being there for me. It truly is appreciated.
In the end, when I read this post from the top, tears came rolling down again. Was it tears of happiness, that I finally have the courage to face it? ; Or was is tears of sadness, over the lost that I had?
Whatever the reasons may be, life still moves on. May a brighter tomorrow awaits us all.

I know...

I know, from the instant you started neglecting me, the magic is already drowning. I know, from the moment we stopped webcamming, you were tired of me. I know, from the time you started treated me this way, you had your heart looking at someone else.

I see it all, I know it all, that's a really sad thing. For now, I felt like I was used for amusement. I won't blame you for that. I will never blame you for that. I'll just carry this burdened self away from your life. But how I'd wish you tell me that, and not leave me waiting for weeks, for months. The day and nights wanting for you to online, waiting for you to reply. The time I spent trying to figure out what's in your mind.

All those time, how I'd wish you just tell me. So I won't be a fool of myself. I gave you my all, and I was treated unkindly.

What is more to do for me? There's no point going forward, I have lost the fight. I'll just pack my bags and leave. I am letting go again. Those past months, with only you in my head. Now, I'll have to occupy that hole in my heart with other things.

The first step of letting go, was to remove you from my 'favourite' list in my MSN, then removed you from my featured friend's list. There is more to be done, but at least, remove the things were I can actually see your name.

I am so afraid of seeing your name. The sight of people mention your name trembles me.

It's official, I am going to let go. Maybe, until the distant future, I shall return. For now, are we still friends?

In Sync

This is it, I'm finally in sync with my inner self. I have finally ventured to that part of me that I wanted to voice out so much. It's that vulnerable side of me. Right now, I am stripped down to nothing. So let's begin.

First of all, I'm proud to say that I was able to walk out from my past relationship, to not linger in that place I call pain and suffer. I was so happy when I took the first time away from those time, and was glad that I even grew up into a more confident and happier person. I felt appreciated again, I felt the warmth of my friends. I feel like I can rule the world, I can manage this life for sure.

But still, just as I thought things were going great, I failed to recognize that insecurity inside of me still exist. As I grew confident, or so I thought I had, I climbed higher. I know I am going to fall hard if things didn't go well, but it didn't stop me, I was going full steam ahead.

Right now, things are getting shaky, and to be honest, as much as I didn't want to say this, I felt neglected. We had magic, it really did, I can sense that spark in you, but alas, I wasn't there to ignite that spark. You don't really say it, you even dismiss the facts as well. And frankly, I dismissed that too. I've been doing nothing.

All I have been doing, is pretend.

I pretended that I am confident, I pretended that I am happy and perky all the time, I pretended that I don't really have any sorrow at all. Noone could read my mind, no one can see through my eyes, no one, could have even reached that deep inside my heart. I used to leave it open, but now, I found out, that it's really hard for me to open up. Slowly, I'm closing up the doorway to my heart again. I pretended to be something else when I'm actually feeling what I felt at that time.

I didn't want my friends to be affected by my sorrow.

Maybe at that instant, when I spent time with my friends, I was happy, because that was the moment I didn't think of it. But still, when I'm all alone, when I turn off the lights, I realize, I have nothing at all. That great sense of insecurity overwhelms me yet again. And all I could do is frown upon myself.

I don't get it, why do I keep myself so down when I'm alone? Is it because this time I've given even more of myself? Is it because that I thought things are and will be going well? Is it because I've been avoiding the fact that it will end of in disaster? Is it because I've been lying to myself all this time? Is it because I'd make a big gamble bound to fail?

Have I been hiding myself too much? Behind those sexy pose that I make in front of the camera, did I conceal my sorrow very well? Behind the vanity that I shown so much this far, did I leave out that raw part of me? I choose to be that way, because indirectly and directly, I wanted to hide.

I wanted to hide my insecurity, I wanted to hide my fear, I wanted to hide my exhausted body, I wanted to hide my shyness, I wanted to hide almost everything bad about me, just to make sure all my friends see are good things about me.

I'm letting myself cry over it. But then again, I am about to leave this place again. Hopefully when I venture back to this place, I will continue this little post about my inner world.

Till then. I'm going to put on my clothes again. The show continues.

Sunny skies, sandy beaches, gentle waves.

Sunny skies, sandy beaches, gentle waves. That's what I really wish to be in now. To be able to sit under the warm gentle sun, to be able to listen to the gentle waves slowly beating onto the sandy shore. To listen to the seagulls softly whispering with each other, to be able to listen to the coconut trees leafs rattle and battle softly upon the soft and cooling breeze, to feel calm, tranquil and no worries. The swaying of the coconut trees, the soft Caribbean music playing me into a relaxed slumber.

Let's step into my inner world....

The hustle and bustle of city streets, the constant darkness I be in when I have noone around. The temptations, the horrors. The untrustables, the distance between friendships. The emotional breakdowns. The ballads that I always listen, rings so strongly inside myself. How I wish you knew, that how much I need you. I feel like running away, towards that sunny beach that I crave for, but I can't abandoned you. You avoid my gaze, withdraw from me these days, you punished me for trying to be what you wanted.

What more can I do?

In order to please you, I abandoned myself.

Yet slowly....

I'm walking away from this chaotic city life, and retreated myself to the sunny beaches that I aspire to go so much. I'm starting to strip myself again, showing that bare, and true self. Slowly, I realized the scars that I once had. I dismissed them.

As I walk towards serenity within myself, I find that, I brought you along into my serenity.

You appeared in both my chaotic and serene world. I guess, I am still very in love with you.

我很矛盾。

Sandakan Updates vid! Woots!! :DDD

Here it is guys! The 6th video blog! This time is about the trip back to Sandakan, and Pockys???

Trip down memory lane

I never enjoyed my junior life. It was horrible. The constant suffocation I suffered. It would be a shock for everyone, to know that I am not what you know right now, 6 years ago. Bad things just constantly pop up, I was pessimistic, seldom took part in any events, I was bullied a lot, I have no self-confidence what so ever, I was gloomy, and I was used, all the time. I even came to the point where I went suicidal. A lot of things bruised me. The trust that I gave shattered. The friends I lost because of it. The broke down I get, and only a few witness when I totally broke down and cry. I was soiled. I felt ashamed of it. I loathed the junior me.

Then came senior life.

And it was the breakthrough period in my life. The first day of Senior 1, before I stepped into the classroom, I told myself that I have to shed that old skin of mine, I have to be more optimistic, I have to find the confidence in me. And I have. Friends around me started to notice the change in me. And I continued my metamorphosis throughout the 3 years. I started to gain confidence that I never thought I would one day behold. I became a more cheerful, witty, humorous, optimistic person. I started to work center stage, gained speaking skills, and was even given the chance to shine during my last year in secondary school. I lead an orchestra of more than 100 people. I was finally able to say that I am enjoying my secondary school life, loud and proud, with success, friends that I can entrust my life on, and a whole bunch of great teachers as friends.

Life moves on, and finally, I graduated.

My soul search continues, I continued to explore myself, and constantly look back and see how much I have grew up. I realize, all the suffering I had, all the emotional break downs, all the bruise that I received, all the lost that I gained, causes me to become a stronger person. Believe me, not everyone can pull through all the hardship, and if they can make it, they will be so much stronger and better. And right now, I am a fighter!

For you out there who once harmed me, I shall not despise you, in fact I want to thank you, for making me a better, wiser, stronger person. For those who can relate to this, keep pushing on, there's always light at the other end of this long, dark and cold tunnel.

More to come.. :)

Video blogs! :D

Yes people! I finally did it! Yes Kenneth! I finally did it! haha! Video blogs! Enjoy! :)

1st video blog

2nd video blog

Happy Birthday Stella :D

3rd video blog(Sunny Sunday Singapore Outing~)

4th video blog (Crazy webcaming moments!)

5th video blog (SPCO concert pics)

Singapore life, MST, and what's going on inside...

hey there! Time for another update! As you all know, I'm in Singapore now, it's a great place to be. With great transportation system, great food, great friends to hang around, but deep down inside, Sandakan is still the best place for me :) With better food and better friends to pour out my soul :)

I can't believe I didn't blog for nearly a month! So what's up? Well....... I've finally started to make video blogs! Wow! Shocking eh? Been wanting to make it months ago. So yea, finally had the balls to do it. I've posted them in my facebook profile. I'll get them into my blogger page soon :D

Yes! Chinese orchestra concert is finally over! Pics available in my video blog and facebook :D (I'm such a lazy bitch xD)

SO! MST's coming! (Mid Semester Test). And I'm totally procrastinating over here. Don't feel like studying at all! And when I'm doing tutorial questions, I'll totally go WTFBBQ!

And don't forget!!!!! Christina Aguilera's new album will be out soon! Aka Bionic! 8th June! OMG!!!! CAN'T WAIT!!!

And now... a little peep into my soul...

I shall reveal it in my next post!! xP

Inside the MRT...在巴士里。。。

Inside the MRT, inside the bus... I took the time to understand myself even more, and also to think of what I want in my future. I found out, that this time, even if I am in love again, but I feel totally different, it's like a brand new, better me, and I am totally crazy for it. I realize, this is the first time I let myself love someone so deep, I've taken things even more seriously than before, and that, I realize, this is the relationship that I have been looking. And because of that, I've became somewhat "annoying". It brought out that romantic side of me. It brought out that dedicated side of me. It brought out my fun and loving side even more. It was a beautiful process. It made me feel wholesome. And I dare say, I'm ready. The things left for me to do, is to be

patient, and not to be so "full" of me first, cause I gotta save all my love when things goes steady. Right now, I just wanna be as positive as possible. Learn to love myself more before loving someone else, and try to be more in control as not to be so annoying. =)

You are always in my heart :)

在快铁里，在巴士里。。我拿了一些时间来更了解自己，而且也在思考。我发觉这次，虽然我恋爱了，可是我感觉自己蜕变成一个更好更新的我。我也发觉，这是我第一次爱一个人爱得那么深，我对这份爱看待得更认真，因为这就是我要的完美感情 （relationship）。因为这样，我也成为了一个好像很”麻烦／多事“的人。这份爱，把我浪漫、纯真、更好玩及更关爱的一面都显示出来了。这是一个美丽的蜕变。他令我感到更完整。我也敢说，我准备好了。现在我需做的，就是要耐心、也不要把我的所有先”显“出来，因为必须保存下来，当所有事情稳定下来了才给他我的所有。我现在也要正面地看待东西。 我要爱自己，才可以爱他更多。哦！也要学习自我控制。 哈哈～

我爱你！ （完）

我脑子里在想啥～？

就那么巧合，遇见了你。在某个场合结束后，思念着你。假期时，告诉了你我对你有感觉。运动会，完全没有看彼此。开学了，几乎每天陪着你。来新加坡前一天，把所有时间献给你。来到新加坡后，放下了他。放下他后，默默地等你 。默默等待的同时，发觉只是在想你。别人一眼都不看。这时发现，我很爱你了。无时无刻都渴望能回家乡。疯狂的思念中，也掉了很多泪。不停地告诉自己要坚持下去。曾经使用饥饿的方式折磨自己。很常呆呆地看你在面子书线上，或呆呆地等你上MSN。能看你上线已经很满足了。我不找你，因为你说希望我能以朋友的方式对待你，不想太过火，宁愿等你来找我，所以才这么做。当你在MSN找我，或在面子书上留言，我感觉像在飞天！整个傻佬一样，跳来跳去。第二天在学校都会笑容灿烂。我会吃醋，是因为我不能在你身边。我也在慢慢学习不要那么会吃醋啦～ 你告诉我你还有东西还没解决，我就慢慢等你，让你完全解决那回事。你说还没准备心情，还是老话，我会等你调整好心情。你就安心的解决吧！我在这里不会放弃的！你要加油！我也要加油！

A special dedication, to a special friend

To that special friend, that I've known for my whole life.

You were always the figure of cheerfulness, in front of people you never showed sorrow and even if you are shedding tears, they are tears of happiness. From young we were good friends, you seen me grow up, in a lot of ways, you might even seen me crash and burn before. Whatever the things that happened, you witness most of them.

Recent years, things worsen. And I have never seen such turbulence. I never really imagined that things would have a such a sudden twist. From that moment when you told me things had changed, my heart has nothing but grief for you.

You've always been so strong, and I've never seen you shed tears about it, instead, you seen me shed a lot of tears because of it. I may never understand how you felt, until I myself gets involved in the same problem, which I, and everyone else would wish not to ever happen.

I will not tell you to accept your family, it may be your duty, it may be your responsibility as the eldest son, but I will still not say such words to you, for you have suffered, and you deserve to have your freedom; I will not say that you can't live without the shop, for you are capable of other greater things than just spraining and sweating your life out; I will not ever, ever tell you to accept that woman, who has ruined everything- a beautiful family, a beautiful parental and child relationship, a beautiful place to stay, a beautiful and secure future, for you have the rights not to accept her. But I will tell you this, which you might have already realize.

Bear with it

Simple as that, but difficult to do. It's hard, but you still have to do it.

I feel really bad for not being able to be back over home to help you out, if you have no ride back home, heck I'll drive all the way to the airport; no time for gym? I'll get you up at 6am just for it. Need a ride to school? Just call me up!

You will never walk this life alone, for you have us, your friends. Be it whether they are your new ones, or old ones. Whether they are now in the same place as you are, or across the ocean, sitting helplessly in front of the computer whilst listening to you suffer.

Be strong, and pray for a better future, that's what we all can do right now.

ps: Now my macbook has tears! haha

A little song suggestion. "I will be" and "Lift me up" by Christina Aguilera. Good listen to it, you'll love it, especially when you're in this situation. Good luck! Friend.

Special post

It's that time again, I wanna speak out, how much I appreciate . I appreciate my parents for giving me life and nourishing me.

I miss miss making Tzy Tyng laugh, miss watching Stella Ng turned on and laughing her ass off at almost anything, miss Su Tien for pointing at things and LOL at them, miss Simon Chong for his wittiness, and his Perdana ( :P ), miss Phui's reaction whenever I said her butt is big, miss the time Kai Lun and I spent in the classroom, when Jordan is always the rational one, Sheldon being the opposite (not always). I miss Connie Chin, my precious and cute daughter, I miss San Teck, even though he teases me a lot. I miss Jie How, Yan Hong, Yu Ze, Mui Yee, Wei Wei, and the rest of S3A2009 and S2A2008. Don't forget the tiger brand washing board CEO, Cheung heye :D

I also wanna thank my juniors, Jnam, Ly Heng, Horng Seng, Fenny, Jia Zhi, "tan xin qi", Sue Lin Tan. haha~ you guys were great helpers and friends to be with. I'm glad to see you guys grow up too. The leaders of the student body you guys are now =) and Ly Heng, Jnam and Sue Lim, it's Jaguar! not cucumber!! ROAR

To the senior 2s, mainly Janelle, Joselyne, Joseline (viang), Tj Lim, Gordon, Ka Wai, Kenny Lim, the couple (yes! you 2 -.-) , Ok Yap, Yap khong wai? , etc. You guys are truly amazing. Never really thought I would be so friend with you guys. It was just all fun with you guys, and also, not to forget the advice i gave you all. Those moments were just priceless =)

To the senior 1s, and of course, you guys are the closest to me, and it's true. Cause mostly you guys are from Chinese Orchestra. Reynold, Danny, Jun, See Jie, Beverly, Wong yen Li, Liau Kai Shi, you guys surely didn't let me down, and I still wanna apologize to you guys if I didn't do a great job as your president and conductor. And to Aaron, it was the greatest pleasure to have ever known you. You surely made the gan bu camp even more exciting! Thank you so much. Ah Sum, and Herlyne, welcome to the bunch too. I'm just glad there wasn't any generation gap between me and you guys. I appreciate that. And I can't wait to get back to Sandakan too.

Let's not forget those like Avelin, MeiTze, Bernice, and Robert. I may not talk to you guys that much anymore, but you guys are well aware, I have a large capacity in my heart. Even if I have half of my heart to the person I love, the rest I still have space for you guys

A special special special special thanks to Jade Chin and Jamie Gan. You 2 are my supporting rocks when I needed support the most, especially when things seem so vulnerable and sensitive to me right now in great city Singapore. Jade, my primary and secondary school mate, it was a total blessing for you to tell that you'll be in the same school as I am! Jamie, you are the blessing that came along with the previous blessing. You 2 totally makes me feel home. All the things we gone through felt like we knew other for ages, yet, it's just only week 3 of school! Brace yourself for more turbulence girls, as we are going to enter an even more bumby ride straight ahead. I will not know what will happen in the future, whether one day some offer letter comes or whatever. For now, appreciate the time we have. The webcam whoring we had, the tears you seen me shed, the hyped up moment and gay dancing we had, all these moments, appreciate it.

DME/FT/1A/01 classmates! Won't forget you guys too~ Brandon, Aaron, Ryan, Dain, Saiful, Yee Chung, Jin Yu, Shawn, Faris, Jie An, etc. Haha!

last but not least........

I FCKING MISS DRIVING!! :DDDD

Singapore Updates 1

Blue blue blue blue blue~ I'm so down in the blues :)

Yea, Simon, I hear you and here's my update for today.

*Puts on earpiece and listening to "Not Myself Tonight" while head banging in school canteen*

Speaking of school, I am finally opening up about it. And I'm gonna break them down into Q&A sort of shits for you guys :D

Q: Where are you?

A: I'm currently in Singapore Polytechnic, population, unknown haha!

Q: What course I'm in?

A: Mechanical Engineering.

Q: So, how's life over there in Singapore.

A: So far so good, I've been to Singapore a few times so basically I've gotten used to it here. Transportation is superb, extremely safe environment, not even scared of wandering out at night, even though I don't. Lots of laws and rules to obey, which is good. How about yours? :D

Q: Made any new friends there?

A: Who do you think I am? I'm Anson for goodness sake, of course I made friends, but not as close as those who grew up with me :) Except for Jade and Jamie, the 2 sabah girls :)

And as for CCA? I got into Singapore Polytechnic Chinese Orchestra! Was told to attend practice the same day I signed up for it. And was then offered to join the concert that's being held on the 30th of May! Talk about lucky! :D

Took lots and lots and lots of picture while I'm in Singapore, to drop by my facebook profile. What just this link here :)

http://www.facebook.com/ansonljh

For now, even I am in my blog, I still don't want to open up anything about my love life, even if I am kinda depressed about it lately, but oh well, what the heck =)

ps: Sorry for not replying so much :) Love ya!

Lol snap snap!

Lol~ Snap snap alright? Why? Cause I suddenly got the inspiration to say

FUCK YOU :)

Fuck you so so much, heh heh, now that felt better didn't it? Fuck you for leaving me suddenly ^.^

But hey, I sound just like a sore loser to you right now, oh well :) Maybe I am, why? Cause I sometimes still curl up and wilt when I thought of the things we done together, and all the promises, all the dirty moments we spent, well, gone, poof :P

I finally dare to open up, of how much I wanna kill you right now, but of course, let you explain your wrong doings, but oh well, that's just not how I work I guess. 2nd chance? We'll see how you behave, if, of course provided that you are still alive.

*evil laughs*

Nah, who am I kidding? The past is the past... Right? I am happier now that I know there's still hope else where, and not linger here knowing that there's not gonna be a "legendary" return :D

So, to end this short hate post, I still wanna say

FUCK YOU :)

You're lucky I colored the last "FUCK YOU :)" purple. Cause purple is are my fav colour :D

Title-less?

Heck! Finally! The line is back! Was it gone before this? NOT REALLY! It's just the fact that there are OTHER people using the line, so I was being nice by letting them use the line until there's noone using, which is precisely at night!

But at night I'll be so tired and lazy to blog/facebook/online/youtube/maple because of work. I just get home from work, drag myself upstairs and fall on the bed with a thud.

How was CNY you ask? Great, fine, dandy, and not to mention cold. Why? I was in CHINA~!

Pics available in my Facebook, go check it out!

So anyway, I think it's time for me to update again. Not really gonna go through what's going on around me, cause frankly speaking, NOT much? Life still goes on, work work work, tuition tuition tuition, and then work work work again. Oh, I NEED TO GO BACK TO GYM dammit! Why? Cause I didn't go gym for 4 weeks! SH*T!

Hmmmmmm.. It's been awhile since I unleashed my talkative inner self. And lately, I "accidentally" unleashed it, in front of my DAD! Because I was joking and chatting and blabbering non stop for 2 hours, between every dish, my mouth did not stop.

My dad was like " Hey honey! I think there's something wrong with our son!"

OR

"Goodness I've never since him like this in my life!"

AND DON'T FORGET

"Anson, I think it's gonna be a waste if you don't become a lawyer!"

My reply?

"Well, you don't want me to be a lawyer, cause if you show any possible threat, I shall sue you! :D"

"Damn, you suck son!"

Now into the emo side of the story...

I'm feeling dark again.. Sigh right? Suddenly.... don't know what to blog about.... hmmm..

"WOULD YOU LIFT ME UP?"

Happy Chinese New Year!

As much as I would love to scream crazily in front of the camera, but i can't. And I'm forced to make this a short one.

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone, my friends, my family, my loved ones, there's just so many I can't name them all. I love you guys!

I'll be in Shanghai and other parts of China for Chinese New Year, cheers!

<3

Crazy for....

"You spin my head right round right round, when you go down when you go down down" :D

Woooo, goodness, there's a few things that's making me to die for, totally totally causing me to go fanatic towards it. I'm absolutely going gaga over it!

Someone, help me!! I want it every single night. And that sensation is burning inside me if I don't get it.

It's better than drugs, better than cigarette, better than sex, better than youtube, better than working out, better than Tao Kae Noi seaweed, and, you can do it over and over and over and over again they are wiped out from the face of the Earth.

Goodness, Im going crazy for..

ORANGES!

What were you thinking? :P

Updates updates!

Wow! It's February already?! It's just like yesterday I saw calender and it's 31st of Jan...

Wait a minute...

Anyway! Updates, updates, updates... ................

UPDATES!

Birthday passed, bla bla bla, I'm 18, bla bla bla, finally.. bla bla bla, had sex, bla bla bla, just a joke you dumbass. Lol :D

What I've been up to lately? Um, work? Work? WORK? Other than that, giving tuition class to kiddos, form 1~form 5. I is are teaches England :D

And maths...

and somehow.. reluctantly, science.....

LOLROFLLMFAO

And gym, just as my dad quote-

"Get yourself prepared, physically and mentally, for Singapore"

Speaking of Singapore, people have been asking me what are my future plans, I don't give a shit okay?

Nah just joking, I applied for NUS and NTU, outcome of the result would be expected by early March. If I DO get into one of the schools, it'll start at August.

Hell yea, Singapore, watch out laidehs! Anson's gonna come out and play :D

Speaking of coming out and play, mommy dearest totally banned me from visiting Faces and any other place similiar to Faces.

HOLD IT!

Are there any pubs similar to Faces in Sandakan? Well... You be the judge..

Duh... likely NO?

In case of you who doesn't know what Faces is, it's a Bar and Discotheque recently opened in Mile 4, well it enetered it 3rd month of opening, good show.

Other than that, been mapling like a geek as well.

*DIE MUSHROOMSSS!!! DIIIIEEE!!!*

And lastly, Chinese New Year is coming! WTFBBQ?! Early greetings for you guys, I'll be in Shanghai and a few places for CNY.

Later :P

ps: I wanna like, do Video Logs, what do you think? Leave a comment at the C-Box at the right of the blog. Hearts <3

Wonder

The world seems so cold
When I face so much all alone
A little scared to move on
And knowing how fast I have grown

And I wonder just where I fit in
Oh the vision of life in my head
Oh yes

I will be
Strong on my own
I will see through the rain
I will find my way
I will keep on
Traveling this road
Till I finally reach my dream
Till I'm living, and I'm breathing

My destiny
I can't let go now
Even when darkness surrounds
But if I hold on
I will show the world
All the things that you never expected to see
From little old me

And I wonder just where my place is
Close my eyes and I remind myself this

I will be
Strong on my own
I will see through the rain
I will find my way
I will keep on
Traveling this road
Till I finally reach my dream
Till I'm living, and I'm breathing

My destiny

It comforts me
It keeps me
Alive each day of my life
Always guiding me
Providing me
With the hope I desperately need

Hah... Lyrics from a really really nice song that I've been listening to the whole day, called "I Will Be" by Christina Aguilera, please check it out, in youtube.

Reason I love this song. Well, firstly it's done by Christina Aguilera, I'm a die hard fan.

And yea, sometimes, I tend to make myself depressed... old habit never die, heh heh.

Just wanna share this song with you guys, actually there's a whole new story beind the lyrics that I wanna share, so yea... one day I'll blog about it.